The Turkey Is Fighting Back This Thanksgiving
Not sure how, but it seems that you can give a turkey weapons or you could just stuff his ass with stuffing. Your choice.
Random Fun
In Case of Miracle, Break Glass
You don’t always get lucky, but when you do, it’s good to have a condom around. Even if it’s framed and you have to break the glass to get to it. Miracles happen.
I Was Thinner Before Dinner
Holiday meals are great. I have so much good food and my stretchy pants get a work out. Win. Win.
Does This Stuffing Make My Breasts Look Big?
Thanksgiving turkeys have so much to worry about, but how stuffing makes their breasts look shouldn’t be a concern. I mean we want them big. Right?
What Are Turkeys Thankful For? Vegetarians.
No one ever asks the turkey what he’s thankful for. Of course he’s way past dead by the time we eat him, still. Common courtesy people.
Thanksgiving With The Cats
What’s better than a bunch of Thanksgiving food? Cats! Cats at Thanksgiving! Cats in pilgrim hats and cats with indian feathers.
I’d Like to Be More Approachable. Not Less Weird.
I don’t want to loose my awesome weird side, but I would like someone to approach me and ask me out on a date. How can we make that happen?
Missing Unicorn. If You See It, You Are Probably High.
Unicorns aren’t easy to spot. Usually you have to be drunk or on drugs. Which, if that were true, means you may have bigger problems than seeing unicorns.
It’s all fun and games until you can’t clear the barn.
Life would be so much more fun if it were like Mario Kart. Then jumping building could be possible. And crashing into them is no big deal. You’d just spin out and keep going. Sadly it’s not, as this unfortunate person found out.
How are you feeling today? Pain Chart
Next time someone asks you how you’re doing, just reference this chart and tell them the truth. Oh, and have a nice day.