On the first day of Christmas, your true love gave to you… nothing.
You’re single. You don’t have to worry about all this gift giving etiquette and stress. Buy yourself something nice and relax.
Relationship
I’ve been single for a while now and I have to say, it’s going very well.
I’m very happy and I think I may be the one for me. All I need is TV and a drink and I’m happy. What else is there?
I need to get me some sweet potatoes.
I’d be buying sweet potatoes all the time for my wife if they gave compliments when I opened the bag. Think how much I’d save on flowers!
Are you in a flirtationship?
It’s more than a friendship, less than a relationship. You know, somewhere in the middle. Probably someplace awkward.
I would like to identify your body.
While laying in bed with my husband, he asked me what I’d most like to do with his body. Apparently “Identify it” wasn’t the right answer. Some men are so picky.
Here’s the key to my heart. Don’t kill me with it.
Giving someone the key to your heart is a big deal. Even bigger is what they do with it. Like when they use it to end you. Not cool. Not cool. via Nathan Bulmer
I have mixed drinks about feelings.
And the more drinks I have, the less I have feelings. It’s a win win.
Who needs a man? Chocolate can’t get you pregnant.
No date? No worries. Just snuggle up with some chocolate. That way you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant; or a call the next day. It’s much more satisfying.
Honey, What’s The Password?
The hardest passwords are the ones that include things that are important to her, and he has no clue.
You Can Either Be Happily Married or Right
In a relationship, sometimes you gotta just give in so you can be happy. Happy or right. Pick one. If you pick wrong, you’ll know.