Don’t be offended if someone doesn’t text you back.
Don’t be offended if someone doesn’t text you back. They probably just forgot. About you. In general. Because they don’t like you very much.
Who cares if the toilet seat is up?!
Sure, you complain about the toilet set being up, but have you seen how the rest of the bathroom looks!
This is where we keep the top secret files.
This secret file cabinet has all the classified top-secret files. And, incase you need them, we keep the bottom secret files here too.
Most Evil Rug Ever. And I Love It.
I wish I had this rug at home. I’d put it right outside the bedroom door so when my wife got up, she’d freak out. It’d be fantastic! Plus think how much more fun it’d be to have people over!
On the internet, people write a lot of things, but only one is true.
LOL – No one is laughing. ROFL – No one is on the floor. LMAO – Maybe an LOL, but no asses gone. FUCK – Whoever typed this just said it too. This is the truth.
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
The shots are just sitting there on the bar. They’re not going to drink themselves so bottoms up!
Can you help support these girls?
Some girls can’t “even” and I’m not sure what that means. But I know where a Starbucks is. This is very important. Please participate.
When the zombie plague comes, I will love you enough to put you out of your brain-eating misery.
There are a million ways to say I love you, but this one speaks right to my heart. Oh wait, are you saying you’re going to kill me after I’ve already been bitten by a zombie? Why didn’t you protect me in the first place?!
Summer tans are so amazing nowadays.
Our tan lines are getting funky, and not in a good way. Is this really enjoying the summer at he beach?
Dinosaurs didn’t bowl & now they’re extinct. Coincidence?
You can’t argue with that logic. Of course, you can’t prove it either. Lets not chance it.