I have no idea what anyone’s phone number is.
Remember when you actually had to know phone number? Or have a quarter for a call? Kids these days don’t even call people. They just message them. Man they have it hard.
Random Fun
I can’t even give money away for free.
Somewhere, on the other side of the world, some rich guy can’t even get us to take his money.
Want me to kiss it and make it better? – Happy Mother’s Day
A mom’s kiss can make almost anything better. Almost. via Cyanide & Happiness
Mom says beauty is on the inside. You know, like a fridge.
Don’t judge a book by its cover. Don’t underestimate people. You know, all those things you shouldn’t do because your mom told you so. Yea, thank her for that.
Yea it’s Friday! Don’t burst my bubble.
There’s nothing more annoying that someone telling you how close Monday is when you’re just trying to celebrate Friday. Let me be happy.
Health Buzz Words Are Fun
Watch out for things that have healthy buzz words on them. Lots of things don’t contain gluten, sugar, fat, or calories, yet they will kill you if you eat them.
Here’s the key to my heart. Don’t kill me with it.
Giving someone the key to your heart is a big deal. Even bigger is what they do with it. Like when they use it to end you. Not cool. Not cool. via Nathan Bulmer
Why You No Take Me on Car Ride?
My owner goes on an 8 hour car ride 5 days a week but doesn’t take me? Why doesn’t he take me?! I’ll be a good dog. Promise.
What Do Flickering Lights Mean?
1% Chance Electrical Problem 99% Chance Demons and Shit I don’t know about you, but to me they mean get the hell out of the house. Or at least start cranking some showtunes or kids music. Ain’t nobody got killed when Bippity Boppity Boo was playing.
Coffee Makes Life Livable
Without coffee, how could we get any work done? How could we have meaningless office conversations? How could we stay awake in morning meetings? We need you coffee!