Excuse Me Miss. My Eyes Are Up Here.
I don’t know why she can’t just focus on me. I know my beard is beautiful, but I’m trying to have a conversation here.
Women
My cat has better abs than you.
What more could a woman want? Great abs, doesn’t leave me to drink beer with the guys, and loves to go shopping. That’s a womans best friend right there.
What happened to the sweet old you?
I hate it when people ask me: What happened to the sweet old you? Well, bitches like you killed it.
Warning! Beer Goggles effect your vision.
I know you know already but as soon as you go out and have a few tonight, you’ll forget.
Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered if you were drunk the entire relationship?
OMG. Look at you! What did I ever see in you?
Self-Defense Steps for Women
Need to defend yourself against a mugger? Just start talking about commitment. Most men will run the other way.
It’s true. All the smart nice handsome men are gay.
Sorry women, you’ll need to settle with a man who is a little less than perfect. *Not valid in all 50 states. Some exclusions may apply. See man for details even though he’ll probably just lie to get in your pants.