Weekend Forecast: Mostly drunk with a chance of horny.
I’m ready for the weekend. I’m going to do some drinking, maybe some flirting, and we’ll see where it goes from there. You in?
Drunk
Missing Unicorn. If You See It, You Are Probably High.
Unicorns aren’t easy to spot. Usually you have to be drunk or on drugs. Which, if that were true, means you may have bigger problems than seeing unicorns.
It’s so hard to unlock doors when you’re being chased by a serial killer.
Have you ever noticed that no one can get their keys in the lock when being chased by serial killers? I know there’s a lot of pressure, but come on. You can do better than that. Granted one or two beers make it pretty hard too.
Did you get drunk on St. Patrick’s Day?
Did you go out and get drunk? Do you remember what you did? I guess the Facebook pictures and YouTube videos that show up later today may help you answer that question.
If you see leprechauns, stop drinking.
Just a little advice for all those drinking this St. Patrick’s Day. If you see little green men, of any kind, you should probably stop drinking and call it a night.
Bitch be drunk as hell losin’ shoes and shit.
Life isn’t always a fairy tail. Sometimes, things get out hand and you’re not the princess everyone thinks you are.
