I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
Then I put my left foot in, then out, then it got complicated and I spun myself around till I fell down.
I’m just a big toasty cinnamon bun. I never want to leave this bed.
I don’t understand why I need to get out of bed. I’m comfortable and happy here.
I may never look at breakfast the same again.
Are you eggs or sausage? Do you prefer eggs or sausage? This is wrong in so many ways, yet correct and funny.
I can’t fall asleep. My ADHD keeps kicking in.
I’m all like “bed time, yea!” But my mind is like “one sheep, two sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Old McDonald had a farm, heeey Macarena!”
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I’d be screwed.
There’s so many things I think about people all day that if they found out, I’d be out friends, a job, and never get a date again.
I have no idea what anyone’s phone number is.
Remember when you actually had to know phone number? Or have a quarter for a call? Kids these days don’t even call people. They just message them. Man they have it hard.
I can’t even give money away for free.
Somewhere, on the other side of the world, some rich guy can’t even get us to take his money.
Want me to kiss it and make it better? – Happy Mother’s Day
A mom’s kiss can make almost anything better. Almost. viaĀ Cyanide & Happiness
Mom says beauty is on the inside. You know, like a fridge.
Don’t judge a book by its cover. Don’t underestimate people. You know, all those things you shouldn’t do because your mom told you so. Yea, thank her for that.
Yea it’s Friday! Don’t burst my bubble.
There’s nothing more annoying that someone telling you how close Monday is when you’re just trying to celebrate Friday. Let me be happy.