Food has replaced sex in my life.
Now I can’t even get into my own pants. However I’m getting some every day; multiple times in fact. Different styles too.
You’re so close to your goals. They’re just on the other side of the Internet.
Admit it, you’d get a lot more done if the Internet didn’t distract you every day. I mean we’re just going about our day and then next thing you know it’s Facebook, Twitter, Spotify, YouTube, Email, Amazon, eBay, random cat site, midnight. Crap! I’ll get productive tomorrow.
Pizza understands. Pizza is here for you.
Good day? Bad day? Things going wrong? Things going right? Pizza doesn’t care. Pizza is here for you in good times and bad. Pizza loves you no matter what.
Get lost in nature and you’ll probably die.
The world is full of good quotes, but it’s also filled with ones that bring false hope and could quite possibly kill you. Like this one. Some people can survive in nature, you’ll probably die.
Gangsta’s Don’t Use The Cloud, They Use Floppy Disks
The cloud is for fools. Why put your files in this magic cloud thing when you can just put them on floppies and put them in your pocket? This makes file transfer easy and it also makes destroying the data easy. As far as security goes, we got that covered too.
This Banana is Appealing
He looks so good in his little top hat and mustache. He looks good enough to eat actually. Mmmm fancy banana.
Watch Out For Ice – Walk Like a Penguin
It’s winter, it’s cold, and there is ice in unexpected places. Don’t end up on your rear, walk like a penguin. Ice walking tip via Tablet Graphics.
Winter – A Short & Honest Poem
Can’t say much more about winter than shit it’s cold. Is spring here yet?
No. It’s not too cold out.
Sorry. It’s just weather and there isn’t anything you can do to change it. Sometimes it’s cold, sometimes it’s hot, dress for the weather and deal or just stay home. A little harsh maybe?
This is how the 5 second rule works.
This is how the five second rule works. You drop your food, the germs wait five seconds, then they attack. They’re quite considerate that way.