Please steal a donut truck and run from the police.
I don’t know about you, but if I turned on the news and saw live coverage of cops chasing a donut truck, I’d grab the popcorn and watch! You’d be my hero!
Put my grandma on speed dial. I call that Instagram!
Grandma’s on speed dial. That there is real life Instagram kids.
Your beer is not half empty, you’re half way to your next one.
If you believe this, you’ll drink more beer as you’ll never be on your last one.
If you haven’t done these, add them to your bucket list.
There are certain things nearly every kid has done. If you haven’t done these at least once in your life, now’s a good time. If you haven’t done them in a long time, it’s time to feel like a kid again!
Have you seen my dog Stopthat?
Most dogs seem to have many names. They have the name that is on their collar and then nicknames like Stopthat and Getbackhere. I hear them being called all the time.
Dye your pets this 4th of July
I’m not sure I’d ever think of dyeing my pets red, white and blue, but some of these look pretty cool. Others, not so much. A for effort all around though. ‘Merica!
Liquor and Fireworks. What could go wrong?
If you find yourself, or someone else, saying this, it’s a good time to go. Go anywhere else. Fireworks may seem fun and funny, but it hurts like hell.
Facebook’s Inspiration Came From Friendface
Ever wonder where they come up with the idea for Facebook? I’m sure they stole it from Friendface. The wonderful friend network where you connect with others and they steal your info and advertise you to death. You can watch the full Friendface episode of The IT Crowd on Netflix or Hulu.
Spider in your bed? Coffee can fix that.
I’m not sure if you need to burn down your whole house because you found a spider in your bed, but if you do, coffee is there for you.
Love Wins – Giraffe Sings ‘Lets Get It On’
This is oddly entertaining. I don’t know what’s better, the fact that you know it’s not a real giraffe and they didn’t even try to hide it, or how good the lip syncing is. You go giraffe. Love wins every time!