Things I like about coffee and things I like about you.
What do you know, sounds like a match made in heaven.
Dear NASA, Your mom thought I was big enough. Sincerely, Pluto
Some planets never give up. For the record, I’m on Pluto’s side.
How come every time I see you, your pants point at me?
I’m not sure if you’re saying ‘how you doin’ or if your pills from last night just haven’t warn off yet.
Why does Facebook even give me the option to ‘Like’ my own status? Of course I like my status.
I’m hilarious and sexy. Who wouldn’t like what I say?
Today I will live in the moment. Unless the moment is unpleasant.
If it’s unpleasant, then I’ll eat a cookie or have a glass of wine.
