I was so happy I pooped rainbows and unicorns.
I’m not sure how happy you have to be to have this happen, but I’ve never been that happy. Maybe someday I will be.
Roses are red. Bacon is red. Poems are hard. Bacon.
You’d think writing a poem would be easier. What rhymes with bacon? Ah, who cares? Let’s just eat some bacon.
Keep Calm. Kill Zombies.
I’m not sure why people are telling me to keep calm all the time, but I’ll feel better once I kill all the zombies.
Hipsters vs Old People – Who’s Cooler?
Have you ever compared a hipster to an old person? Turns out, they’re basically the same! I’ll never look at hipsters the same again. Or Grandma.
Don’t forget to stop and smell the asses.
Dog advice may not always seem like the best advice. But it works for them and it makes them happy. So who’s us to judge?
How to be fancy.
Turns out, Cheeto fingers and lips isn’t fancy. A moustache is though. Top Hat. Fancy. On a unicorn. Super Fancy. via the Fancy Cat Pusheen
Cheap Boneless Chicken Dinner
Less than a dollar for a chicken dinner?! What a deal. I could feed the whole family for less than $5 dollars.
Running into someone from high school who got fat is better than Christmas.
I may not say it to your face, but it makes me so damn happy!
Goddamn snow. I got important cat shit to do!
Too much snow. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Especially when I have important cat shit to do. Like finding something warm and cozy to sleep on because it’s freaking cold out here!