Went for a car ride, lost my balls.
I’m brining it with me ‘cuz last time we got in the car I came back with no balls… Now that’s one smart dog.
For a minute, please contemplate how awesome life is.
It’s always a good idea to stop and think how great life actually is. We spend so much time focusing on all the wrong things, that we forget how awesome our life really is.
You had one job and you failed.
Sometimes work is hard and some days you just don’t care. Which is ok, unless your mistakes are very noticeable. Then maybe you should pay attention a little bit more.
I just pooped in your shoe. Just kitten.
Kittens are cute and cuddly, but pooping outside that litter box isn’t funny. Oh man, I can’t stay mad at you. Look how cute you are! All’s forgiven.
Play dumb, you get lots of treats.
Can’t tell if my dog is really dumb, or so smart that he’s playing me.
Wait until the brownies are completely cool.
OMG. How much cooler can they get? I want to eat them now!