That Moment When My Heart Almost Stopped.
What’s worse than dropping your phone? Dropping it someplace where you can’t get it back! OMG! OMG! OMG! How do you even pick it up?!
If you get mad, I’ll tighten the lids on all the jars so you come to me.
When I get married to you and we ever had an argument I’m going to make sure I tighten all the jars in the house to make sure you come to me. Don’t worry, I know how to make you need me again.
I’m Afraid You Have Humans
Poor Earth. It’s temperature just keeps rising and he’s been diagnosed with humans.
Oh Look, A Magical Unicorn!
And this is why people say they’ve never seen a unicorn in the wild. Turns out, that once you see one, they stab you. Ouch. via the wonderful shoeboxblog.com
I have a nice body. It’s in my trunk.
Lets just say you don’t have to worry about anything; unless you have a nicer body.
All My Friends Expired On Tuesday
It must be hard to live in the fridge and having your friends expire all the time. Either that or get eaten.
When one door closes, you can re-open it. That’s how doors work.
The motivational saying says that when one door closes, another opens. That’s great and all, but you know you can re-open the same door right? It’s not closed forever. It may be locked, but still, find the key and unlock it.
White after labor day? Who does she think she is?
The nerve of some people, wearing white after labor day. Doesn’t Princess Leia have any fashion sense?
Lane Closed for No Fuckin’ Reason
Don’t you just love road construction? Especially when the road is closed for no good reason? Jerks. Who do they think they are? Oh yea, the ones that make our roads. I guess I’ll wait.
Dogs haven’t eaten homework for years, they just hit Delete.
With technology in the classrooms now, dogs don’t have to eat homework anymore. They simply hit the Delete key and it’s gone. Quite a timesaver.