Here’s Hoping Your Turkey is Moist Here’s Hoping Your Relatives Are Sober Here’s Hoping Your Ass Fits in Your Velvet Pants Or Sweat Pants Better Yet No Pants Here’s Hoping Your Thanksgiving is Sane Or At Least Interesting
Holiday meals are great. I have so much good food and my stretchy pants get a work out. Win. Win.
I don’t want to loose my awesome weird side, but I would like someone to approach me and ask me out on a date. How can we make that happen?
This happens from time to time. Usually between 8 and 5. Sometimes all day long. Just go with it and don’t take it personally.
Sometimes, it’s not you it’s them. Them assholes that make you feel bad about yourself. Well screw them. You’re better than that.
Rather, it strolls through, taking its time, getting to know everyone personally.
Just because you have the right of way, or the law is on your side, doesn’t mean you should be stupid and walk in front of traffic. You have a brain, use it.
I see no reason to go to the gym and work out when I could just stay home and be happy. Or maybe I’ll go to the movies. Or for some ice cream.
Well for some that’s true. The rest of us thought you looked great two hours ago.
